This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
