honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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