i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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