now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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