I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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