the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
