I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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