Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
