We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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