my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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