The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
