I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
