So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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