i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
