No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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