life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize