Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
