We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize