a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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