alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
