I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
