there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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