So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
