I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
