Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
