I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize