Umm I'm too high to move.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
