and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
