Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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