I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
