The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
