I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
