Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize