New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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