Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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