The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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