Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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