i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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