his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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