We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize