Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
