I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
