We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
