wrigley field is MILF paradise
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
