Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
my liver is dry heaving
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
