I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you win again, gameday.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize