Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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