omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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