Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
