I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
