now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I puked a lego.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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