I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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