Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
