I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
