Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
