Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
