she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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