Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
