remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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