I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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