I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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