At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
