We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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