This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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