i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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