I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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