This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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