1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
