soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize