She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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