By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
