i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
