Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
