I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
