Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
