Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
