So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
