Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize