from now on my penis is your penis
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
