i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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