There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
