does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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