Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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