I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
