whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
