The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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