my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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