Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
