White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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