the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
