Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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