I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
