My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
