Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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