I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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