Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
