i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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