For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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