I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize