Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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