I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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