He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
