we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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