Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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