Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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