I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
