i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
