She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
